come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
