Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
