Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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