You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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