Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
