my phone needs a breathalizer
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
