checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
All I want is dick and wine.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
