your room smells of hookers.
And success
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
