Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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