whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
