happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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