why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
