We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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