He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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