Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
