Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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