Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
