I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
