She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
