my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
