Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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