The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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