This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
