I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
