I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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