This is not my ceiling
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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