based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
