i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
