Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
