R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
