I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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