Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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