Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
