Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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