my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When are your genitals available?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
