she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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