tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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