Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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