I wish I could teleport
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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