new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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