I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
