dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
