Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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