watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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