i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
