Don't make out with my wife yet
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
