you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Randomize
