he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
