You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
