dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
