I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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