apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
