and you said cock pushups were impossible
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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