Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
