They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
